Tom Tucker: Look at my mustache. Do you think it tickles women when I kiss them?
Interviewee: I...I don't know.
Tom Tucker: Wrong. The answer is, oh, only slightly. Only slightly.

Meg: I just wanna kill myself! I'm going upstairs right now and eat a whole bowl of peanuts. [Lois and Peter stare blankly at Meg] I'm allergic to peanuts. [still no sign of reaction] You don't know anything about me! [runs upstairs]
Peter: Who was that guy?

Tom: Thank you, Meg. I guess beggars can be choosers. And now this.

Chris: When I stick this army guy with the sharp bayonet up my nose, it tickles my brain. Ha ha ha... Ow. Oh, now I don't know math.

Peter: Come on, Stewie. Your mom and I have something for ya.
Stewie: Oh, let me guess. You've picked out yet another colorful box with a crank that I'm expected to turn and turn until OOP! Big shock, a Jack pops out and you laugh and the kids laugh and the dogs laugh and I die a little inside.

Stewie: A trikey!

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