[Bonnie obliterates a target of a figure in a wheelchair at the shooting range]
Joe: I think next time you should bring someone else.

[Stewie arrives just after Peter takes the wrong kid at the park]
Stewie: Hey, what happened to my new friend...that kid who sort of looks like me from behind?

[Lois and Chris are watching TV]
Announcer: We now return to Jane Garofalo and Mark Ruffalo in GarofaRuffalo.
Lois: Turn it off, Chris. I don't even want to know what that is.

[The family greets Peter after he has refined himself]
Chris: How were all your business trips?
Peter: Oh, exemplary, Chris.
Chris: I don't understand what either of those words mean.
Stewie: One of them was "Chris."

Peter: Shall we away for "relations."
Lois: I'm not sure what you're saying, but let's hump!

Chris: Mom! Dad! The T.V.'s broken.
Peter: Actually, Chris, I got rid of our television. This is our new bookshelf, and I think you'll find it has more channels than any T.V. we ever owned.
Chris: I want to watch The Walking Dead!
Peter: Then I shall read to you from Mary Shelley's Frankenstein.
Meg: I want to watch New Girl.
Peter: Perhaps you'd like to hear about Jane Eyre, who felt quite the new girl at Rochester's Thornbury Hall.
Chris: How about Game of Thrones?
Peter: Instead I shall read to you from...Game of Thrones.

Peter: Alright, if this is to be a smart family, we'll have to learn not to giggle at smart things that sound dirty but are not. Balzac.
Chris, Meg and Stewie: [Giggling]
Peter: Homo Erectus.
Chris, Meg and Stewie: [Giggling]
Peter: Spotted dick
Chris, Meg and Stewie: [Giggling]
Peter: The results have been disappointing
Chris: I always thought spotted dick had something to do with Morgan Freeman.

Previous Episode's Quotes /// The Most Interesting Man in the World's Quotes \\\ Next Episode's Quotes