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The Story on Page One/Quotes

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< The Story on Page One

[Stewie has taken control over Chris. He has brought Chris to a tool shop]
Stewie: [Into his microphone] Walk up to the counter. [Chris does so]
Stewie: [into the microphone] Good day shopkeep.
Chris: [while under Stewie's control] Good day shopkeep. I require a hand-operated buzz saw, capable of cutting through a human sternum.
Shopkeeper: What?
Chris: It's for a school project. I'm some sort of student sent here from... oh blast what the devil do they study, Uh... Latin Class.
Shopkeeper: Sorry kid, I can't sell power tools to minors.
Chris: [while under Stewie's control] Now look here you gourd-bellied cod piece. Allow me to purchase the provisions I demand or I shall transform your blue collar into a red one and... who the deuce are you? No, I don't have any spare change. Where the hell would I keep it, in my diaper? Get out of here, you hobo. Oh, bloody hell, is this thing still on?

Brian: If I remember correctly, this is the physics department.
Chris: That explains all the gravity.

Peter: Gays don't vomit. They're a very clean people. And they have been ever since they came to this country from France.

Peter: You know that whole Vietnam thing? Never happened.
Brian: Oh yeah, but don't mention it around the Veterans Hospital. Those guys are really committed to the lie.

Peter: See, Meg, things always work out if you just do whatever you want without thinking about the consequences.

Lois: Oh, I haven't been on a college campus in years. Everything seems so different.
Stewie: Really? Perhaps if you laid on your back with your ankles behind your ears that would ring a few bells.

Brian [during his college days when there was a sign in dorm room saying, "GO HOME DOG." He stands outside the school in the rain] COWARDS!!

Lois: My days in college were so exciting. This one time the National Guard came and shot some of my friends.

Meg: I wanted to go to Wellesley, but my mom said I should pack a pair of hiking boots and call myself a lesbian.
Lois: Meg, honey. Eat your dinner.
Meg: But we're not eating.
Lois: Then just be quiet.

Mayor West: I got ya, diagonally. Pretty sneaky sis.

Peter: Oh, Jeez, I spilled wine on your shirt. You know what's good for getting stains out? Sex with another man.

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