[Cassandra leads Brian and Stewie back to her tent for a three-way]
Stewie: Alright, let's lay some ground rules here. You take her left side, I'll take her right.
Brian: What? , Uh, how about top and bottom or front and back?
Stewie: How about I take head, shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes?
Brian: Ok, you can have those.
Stewie: You just gave away the store mister.

Dr. Finklestein: [discovers cash in the dead man's billfold] It's a five! A five!

Stewie: You've never gotten an award.
Brian: Uh, what's that bowl that says "good boy"?
Stewie: You know; that was our old dog's dish.

Peter: Tell us fast about your nonsense so I can plow your mother on the staircase.

Evan: You got 35,000 views in one night, and none of them got past the fourth picture.
Meg: What does that mean? Oh.

Brian: People keep passing out and barfing, and that barf is, like, free to take.

[In a flashback to Meg's birth]
Dr. Hartman: Mr. Griffin, would you like to cut the cord?
Peter: Sure. [Does so]
Dr. Hartman: Ok, that wasn't the cord, and now you've got a girl.

Brian: Stewie, would you like your food served to you as an airplane or a magic bus?

Brian: Stewie still screams, "What's happening?" when he gets an erection.

[Cassandra takes off her dress]
Stewie: AAAHH! What's happening?

Quagmire: Sorry. Joe's Wi-Fi is really slow today.
Peter: I know; it's the worst. We also use his cable TV. I like Joe.
Quagmire: Here we go. Oh, it's a busy night. There's a black-Thai event. That's all black and Thai chicks.

Joe: Peter, we've got a problem. Somehow, my foot got pregnant watching Tower Heist.

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