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"This Waitress is Prettier Than My Wife" is sung by Peter Griffin and Glenn Quagmire during a recording session at Sony Records in "In Harmony's Way".
- Together: This waitress is prettier than my wife
- I could kill my family with a knife
- We'll sail around the world by ship
- I'll give my whole wad as a tip
- Uncensored line: I'll slip her one big purple tip
- But first I'll kill my family with a knife
- Quagmire: Yes, he's gonna kill his family with a knife
- Peter: Irregardless of this waitress, I will kill them with a knife