Lois: Oh, hi, Chris, how was school?
Chris: It was great, I met a girl, Mom.
Lois: That's wonderful, honey.
Chris: Yeah, her name is Lindsey, like the state.
Lois: Is she nice?
Chris: Yeah, she's really nice and super pretty and her bicycle seats smells like strawberries.
Lois: Ohh ... okay.
Chris: I'm gonna go upstairs and alternate between hopeful excitement and suicidal pessimism.

Lois: Peter, I need you to drop Stewie off at daycare and then shred this big stack of old bank statements.
Peter: You got it, Lois.
[at daycare, the stack is in the circle of playful children. Zoom out with an oblivious Peter in blood from chin to trousers]
Peter: Is he always this quiet?

Stewie: Are you kiddin' me? Are they not seeing this?
Brian: I know, it's kinda creepy, it's almost like [Chris is] dating Lois.
Stewie: Yeah...looks like somebody's getting a little oedipussy.
Brian: Can we say that?
Stewie: Just did.

Lindsey: [dressed as Lois] Thanks for buying me these clothes, Glenn.
Quagmire: You're welcome. [to Mort, also dressed as Lois] And you're dismissed.
Mort Goldman: Do I still get to keep the twenty?

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