Lois: Peter, come on, it's time to wake up. You gotta get to work.
Peter: [In a deep voice] Uh, Lois, I ain't feeling good.
Lois: Peter, what happened to your voice? It's so deep.
Peter: I think I'm sick.
Lois: Well, you don't sound like yourself. In fact, you sound kinda hot.

Peter: I just threw up two chicken gyros out my nose. They're on your side of the bed.

Joe: I heard you coming.
Peter: I made myself heard.
Joe: Where have you come from?
Peter: I've come from where I've been.
Joe: You still riding with that mangy polecat, Fletcher?
Peter: Fletcher met the long arm of the law at the wrong end of a shotgun in the deep end of a grave at the far end of a dead end road.
Referee: Winner!

Quagmire: Happy fucking birthday, Mikey! [Kicks his birthday cake] Yeah!

Chris: Mom! Stewie's dead!

Peter: Excuse me, which one was Lindsay Lohan's dessert fork?
Bus Boy: I think it was that one.
Peter: [licks the fork, then starts bleeding] Gimme cocaine!

Quagmire: Move over, funny man Richard Lewis, we got Richard Lois.

Brian: Can't you give that giraffe at home another chance? You know, for every one they sell, they save a giraffe in the wild.
[Cut to three giraffes running from gunmen. One gets rescued]
Giraffe Rescuer: Sorry giraffes, they only bought one. [returns the giraffe] Nah, they returned it.

Stewie: Recall room, Brian. Nothing works in here.

Previous Episode's Quotes /// Total Recall's Quotes \\\ Next Episode's Quotes