[Peter to the pilot before he skydives]
Peter: Thanks for the lift, Gil. I think I'll take the express down.

[The phone rings]
Lois: Hello?
Peter: [on the phone] Is dinner almost ready?
Lois: Yes Peter. God, where are you? I can barely hear you.
Peter: Pull back my chair ever so slightly.
[Lois complies and Peter crashes on Meg through the ceiling of the house]
Peter: Ahh, Daddy's home.

Peter: [as Peter is about to be impaled on a spire] Oh, fuck! The cock-sucking ground!

Quagmire: Whoa, is that Harrison Ford?
Peter: Yeah, it says in the brochures that he assists with all the jumps.
Harrison Ford: Get off my plane!

Peter: You know who'd look funny wearing one of those? The Monopoly guy!
Mahmoud: Correct! Go directly to jail and convert to Islam!
Peter: Hahaha, because they do that!
Mahmoud: Yes, that is what I intended.

Bob Costas: I'm Bob Costas, here with Boston Marathon winner Peter Griffin. Peter, how did you do it?
Peter: Bob, I just got in my car and drove it. And when there was a guy in my way, I killed him.

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