Family Guy Wiki

Untitled Griffin Family History/Quotes

< Untitled Griffin Family History

5,849pages on
this wiki
Add New Page
Talk0 Share
Moses Griffin: All right, listen up. Before we go any further I wanna lay down a few rules, right? Commandment #1: Shut the hell up. Commandment #2: There's nothing I can do about the sun. Commandment #3: There are no more Jolly Ranchers, they're all gone. Commandment #4: When we pass a billboard, please don't read it out loud. Alright? Now come on, let's keep goin'!
Man 1: Oh, look at that! "Danny Gans, entertainer of the year".
Moses: What did I say?!
Man 2: "Hassle-free checking".
Moses: Dammit!
Man 3: "Man cow in the morning".
Moses: Shut up!

Chuggs: Hahaha! You're going down, man! [God farts] Aw dude, that is SICK!
God: YEAH!! UNDEFEATED!! Oh wait-wait, here comes another one. Quick, gimme your lighter.
[God's second fart results in the Big Bang]
God: Ahhh. Ya smell that?

Brian: What's the matter?
Peter: That wasn't oxygen, that was a tank of Tony Danza's breath! Ugh, wonder who got my oxygen tank.
Judith Light: Kiss me, Tony. I want your breath inside me. [turns knob, smooches oxygen tank] Hey!

Brian: Peter, what is that? [pan left to a panic room]
Peter: Well, I got the idea to build a panic room after I saw that movie, The Butterfly Effect. I thought, "Whoa, this is terrible. I wish I could escape where this movie couldn't find me." And then...
Lois: What the hell are we waiting for?!

Peter: But since we're all gonna die, there's one more secret I feel I have to share with you. I did not care for The Godfather.
Lois: What?
Peter: Did not care for The Godfather.
Chris: How can you even say that, dad?
Peter: Didn't like it.
Lois: Peter, it's so good! It's like the perfect movie!
Peter: This is what everyone always said. Whenever they say...
Chris: Robert De Niro, Al Pacino, I mean, you never see, Robert Duvall!
Peter: Fine. Fine. Fine actor, did not like the movie.
Brian: Why not?
Peter: Did not...couldn't get into it.
Lois: Explain yourself. What didn't you like about it?
Peter: It insists upon itself, Lois.
Lois: What?
Peter: It insists upon itself.
Lois: What does that even mean?
Chris: Because it has a valid point to make, it's insisted!
Peter: It takes forever getting in; you spend like six and a half hours... You know, I can't get through, I've never even finished the movie. I've never seen the ending.
Chris: You've never seen the ending?!
Stewie: How can you say you don't like it if you haven't even given it a chance?
Lois: I agree with Stewie. It's not even fair.
Peter: I have tried on three separate occasions to get through it, and I get to the scene where all the guys are sitting around on the easy chairs.
Lois: Yeah, it's a great scene. I love that scene.
Peter: I have no idea what they're talking about. It's like they're speaking a different... You know, that's where I lose interest in it.
Lois: You know what, Peter,
Chris: They're speaking Italian!
Lois: The language they're speaking is a language of subtlety; it's something you don't understand.
Peter: I love The Money Pit. That is my answer to that statement.
Lois: Exactly.
Peter: Well, there you go.
Lois: Whatever.
Chris: I like that movie too.

Joe: Thank God you guys are okay!
Chris: Wow! You saved our lives, Mr. Swanson!
Joe: We've captured the burglars.
Lois: Oh, thank God.
Joe: Unfortunately, they're pressing sexual harassment charges against your daughter.
Peter: Well, that was a close call!
Joe: You know, Meg should probably get a lawyer.
Lois: [to Peter] Oh, sweetie, thanks for keeping our spirits up with your stories.
Joe: Your daughter's a sexual predator. If you don't do anything, she could go to jail for a long time.
Peter: [to Lois] Don't thank me, Lois. Thank my ancestors for living lives of greatness.
Joe: All right, guys, just take her away.
Peter: Have fun at the dance, Meg! I hope she does, that kid really deserves it.

Previous Episode's Quotes /// Untitled Griffin Family History's Quotes \\\ Next Episode's Quotes

Ad blocker interference detected!

Wikia is a free-to-use site that makes money from advertising. We have a modified experience for viewers using ad blockers

Wikia is not accessible if you’ve made further modifications. Remove the custom ad blocker rule(s) and the page will load as expected.

Also on Fandom

Random Wiki