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Valentine's in Hollywood

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Valentine's in Hollywood

From the episode: Talkshow with Spike Feresten
Singers: Seth MacFarlane
Voices: Seth MacFarlane

"Valentine's in Hollywood" is a song that Seth MacFarlane sang on his second appearance on the now defunct Talkshow with Spike Feresten. It is set to the tune of "All Cartoons are F**kin' Dicks" and makes fun of celebrity romances. The song was heavily bleeped on the televised version, but via a certain video, the uncensored lyrics became available.

Lyrics

You've heard that Lindsay Lohan has a girlfriend,
It's boobies and vaginas that she likes.
At first, this was exciting news for all men,
'Cause nothing thrills us more than smokin' dykes!
Our voyeuristic fantasies were soaring
And when they got it on, we got to watch.
But it's Samantha Ronson
And she looks like Charles Bronson
And who wants to see her eating fire crotch?
Valentine's in Hollywood
Looks real nice but ain't so good.
Never works the way it should,
It's Valentine's in Hollywood.
It gets so much worse, I promise you.
Now, Katie Holmes is telling us she's happy.
Her marriage to Tom Cruise is well and fine.
She'll never tell the truth her daughter's pappy
Is the guy she used to date for years, Chris Klein.
We're told that Suri Cruise, Tom's the father
But I say there's no way that came to pass
His sperm would have to stay
Inside a place he likes to play
And there's no way that kid came outta some guy's ass!
Valentine's in Hollywood
Looks real nice but ain't so good.
Never works the way it should,
It's Valentine's in Hollywood.
Okay, here's what they make you cut out of the show right here.
Now, Angelina's always in the right mood
For hot and heavy humping with Brad Pitt.
They'll roll around all steaming hot and sweaty
Just like a roast that's turning on a spit.
The problem is that Brad gets Angie pregnant
Each time he dumps a load between her hips
Her private parts are swelling
That's why lately there's no telling
Just which end of her has got the biggest lips.
Okay...
Valentine's in Hollywood
Looks real nice but ain't so good.
Never works the way it should,
It's Valentine's in Hollywood.

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