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- Chip: Her voice! It's like God sneezing!
- [After Chip has sex with Angela]
- Peter: [glumly] Welp, now we know. I can taste what he eats.
- Peter: Hey, I'm home. I got groceries.
- Lois: You what?
- Peter: Yeah, I was driving past there and we were out of some stuff, so I...
- Lois: [tackles Peter] You listen to me, you son of a bitch! I've got one thing in this lifetime! One thing! [punches Peter]
- Peter: You always say I never do anything around here!
- Lois: Yeah, I like saying that more than I like you doing things!
- Chris: Dad, I got the rest from the car. Where...
- Peter: Chris, run! You were right, she didn't appreciate it!
- Chris: Oh crap! [Runs off, Lois throws a can at him] Ow!
- Lois: That's right. I do groceries!
- Peter: Hey Lois, are you sure this place is for men?
- Lois: Yes, Peter. It's for everyone.
- Peter: Really? 'Cause this kinda looks like a dress.
- Lois: Peter, it's fine. Come on out. [Peter complies, Lois takes a picture of him in a dress] Ha, you gaybo!
- Peter: Lois, I weigh the same 293 pounds today that I weighed in grade school.
- Dr. Hartman: Nurse, have somebody fix that clock. It's very distracting.
- Stewie: Brian! Browser history! Clear it!