Chip: Her voice! It's like God sneezing!

[After Chip has sex with Angela]
Peter: [glumly] Welp, now we know. I can taste what he eats.

Peter: Hey, I'm home. I got groceries.
Lois: You what?
Peter: Yeah, I was driving past there and we were out of some stuff, so I...
Lois: [tackles Peter] You listen to me, you son of a bitch! I've got one thing in this lifetime! One thing! [punches Peter]
Peter: You always say I never do anything around here!
Lois: Yeah, I like saying that more than I like you doing things!
Chris: Dad, I got the rest from the car. Where...
Peter: Chris, run! You were right, she didn't appreciate it!
Chris: Oh crap! [Runs off, Lois throws a can at him] Ow!
Lois: That's right. I do groceries!

Peter: Hey Lois, are you sure this place is for men?
Lois: Yes, Peter. It's for everyone.
Peter: Really? 'Cause this kinda looks like a dress.
Lois: Peter, it's fine. Come on out. [Peter complies, Lois takes a picture of him in a dress] Ha, you gaybo!

Peter: Lois, I weigh the same 293 pounds today that I weighed in grade school.

Dr. Hartman: Nurse, have somebody fix that clock. It's very distracting.

Stewie: Brian! Browser history! Clear it!

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