Joe: [after the Chumba Wumbas push his wheelchair out on the street] I'M GLAD I'M NOT TAKING YOUR STUPID TOUR! I'M A COORS MAN ANYWAY! SILVER BULLET!

Jimmy: [Practicing his piano lessons with Lois]

Stewie: Ugh, trying to watch the history channel here.

Lois: Keep practicing Jimmy, I'll be right back.

Stewie: Not talkin' to myself here

Stewie: [Climbs down off couch and runs off screen. After we hear punching noises he runs back to the couch]

Lois: OK, Jimmy... oh my God, what happened?

Stewie: Yes Jimmie, what happened?

Jimmy: Uh, uh... [glances back at Stewie]... I fell.

[Knocking at the door and Lois is opening it, Peter is outside]

Peter: Ah, Lois, thank god it's you. The last three houses I went to were very rude.

Lois: Have you been drinking?

Peter: Well, yes I have, thank you. I've gotta find one of these silver scrolls, everyone is looking for 'em.

[Mayor West's office where he is interrogating a bottle of Pawtucket Patriot beer]

Adam West: Alright, listen to me, you long-neck bastard. You give me the scroll and I'll make head of sanitation services for the entire city. It's a do-nothing-job sweet cake.

[At a fraternity house]

Death: Two more dead from alcohol poisoning. Hmm.. looking for that scroll ha? Wouldn't mind finding that thing myself.

[He opens a beer with his eye holes and drinks it. He later stumbles out of the house to his his car]

Death: Ah, ah geez. Oh man, hope I don't get pulled over. Okay, be cool maintain. [He fasten his seat belt, arrange the mirrors, chews a gum, makes a bubble and starts the engine]

Death: Okay Death you can do this!

[He starts and crashes directly into a police car]

Gynecologist Dr. Fred Rubin [to Lois regarding Alexis ]: Don't let her get to you. She asked for 'Pine Forest', I gave her 'New Car'.

[After a night of Peter practicing the piano he looses his booze]

Lois: No, no, no. Play it like you did last night.

Peter: I can't.

Lois: Peter, talent doesn't disappear just like that.

Peter: Well, sometimes it does, I mean you were pretty bad in bed Saturday night.

Peter in his bedroom under the blanket]

Peter: Come on Lois, move or something. Geez, it's like doing it with a pillow.

Lois: Peter, I stayed at my mother's that night.

Peter: Oh.

Peter as a child: Why did all the dinosaurs die out?

Man at Museum: Because you touch yourself at night.

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