We Love You, Conrad/Quotes

Brian: Wow Derek, that's pretty good French you speak there.

Jillian: He also speaks Orange.

Derek: Mandarin, honey.

Jillian: Mandolin.

Stewie: (to Lauren Conrad) Do you need a gay friend on the show - a friend on the show?

Stewie: (wearing flamboyant hat) What’s everyone looking at? The salesman told me it was unisex.

Lois: Well Lauren it's a real pleasure having you here for dinner. Of course I'm sure this isn't as excitin' as your usual cuisine, you know all that caviar with the little silver spoons.

Lauren: Actually Mrs. Griffin caviar spoons are carved from bone. They don't use metal because they react chemically with the fish eggs and changes their taste.

Lois: Oh that's fascinatin'. You coulda just complimented the free food but one upping me is another the way to go.

Brian: So you know guys...

Lois: Bitch!

Stewie: (on the phone) Oh hey Lee! No, it’s not a bad time. Yeah I still have those boots. Well, maybe I’ll wear ‘em, maybe I won’t.

(After Lauren corrects Brian)

(Annoyed) Brian: Thank you, Lauren

Brian: Hey blondie, do you want to get with my dogwood?

Jimmy Fallon: I mean, it's a little weird, isn't it? This new Lauren Conrad relationship? When asked about their sex life, Brian was quoted as saying: "Oh, yeah. We just do it me style."

[laughter]

Craig Ferguson: Have you seen the news about Lauren Conrad and Brian Griffin? You know, a lot of these young Hollywood girls carry their little dogs around in their purse. But Lauren carries one...in her pants.

[laughter]

Jay Leno: Yeah, so Lauren Conrad and Brian Griffin are now a couple. Apparently, she gave that dog a bone, and...he gave it right back!

[laughter]

Brian: This doesn't make any sense. If you're so smart, why do you hide it?

Lauren: Come on, Brian. You know America doesn't like smart people. I mean, they elected Bush twice.

Brain: Yeah, once. So this whole persona is a publicity stunt?

Lauren: Publicity is what keeps this franchise running, Brian. We're even using state-of-the-art computer animation to create a fake sex tape with me and Bill Cosby.

[Cutaway to the tape, showing Lauren in bed and Bill Cosby taking his clothes off]

Bill Cosby: Now, you will get ready for the zim-zam and the babbity-bibbity! And you will take your clothes off like thoo and thoom! And get ready for the most splendiferouos pudding-pop you have ever seen!

Stewie: So did you break up with Lauren?

Brian: No, I didn't. As a matter of fact she's coming over for dinner tonight.

Stewie: [high pitched] Say whaaaaaaa?!

Peter: "Alright, Jillian. Since I'm giving you away on your wedding day, I wanna make sure it all goes off without a hitch. Now what are your thoughts on a wedding singer."

Jillian: "Oh, I thought that maybe I would just deejay the wedding myself. I already started making a playlist on this."

Peter: "A box of Junior Mints?"

Jillian: "This isn't an iPod?"

Peter: "Your Junior Mints play MP3s?"

Jillian: "My iPod is chocolate?"

Peter: "Well, be that as it may or not be that, I was thinking I could be your wedding singer."

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