- Peter: Yeah it was just like that other Jewish musical we saw.
- William Shatner: Oh fiddler on the roof sounds crazy no? But here in our little village of Annatanka you might say each one of us... Kahn!... Kahn!
- Stewie: [to Meg] In an attic somewhere, there's a portrait of you getting prettier.
- Max Weinstein: Return his money and we'll go.
- Jim Kaplan: I don't have your money!
- Max Weinstein: How about that money?
- Jim Kaplan: No way! That's Lois' rainy day fund! Dammit!
- Jerry Seinfeld: So, You couldn't date her because she was a tickler.
- George Costanza: A tickler.
- Jerry Seinfeld: And you're not a stickler for a tickler.
- George Costanza: Not a stickler for a tickler.
- Jerry Seinfeld: Not a tickler stickler.
- George Costanza: Not a tickler stickler.
- Both: [Absurd babbling]
- Brian: Where the hell is the remote?
- Lois: I can't believe you squandered that money! I swear, sometimes I feel like I'm married to a child. [cutaway to Lois and Peter's wedding]
- Peter: What can I say about my beautiful bride except milk, milk, lemonade. Around the corner, fudge is made! [cut back to the living room]
- Peter: You better watch who you're calling a child, Lois. Because if I'm a child, then do you know what that makes you? A pedophile. And I'll be damned if I'm gonna stand here and be lectured by a pervert.
- [Stewie wakes up, seeing Meg]
- Stewie: Ahh! What the hell are you doing?!
- Meg: Watching you sleep, cutie-pie.
- Stewie: Why you sick, sick moo-cow! Well, you shall watch no more!
- Peter: They better not be expecting us to give money, because I gave at the church last Sunday, and I'm pretty sure it all goes to the same God.
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