Stewie: I don't think so. The crotch doesn't look like a BMX track. You bastard!! You've been using my time machine to nail your bar skanks!!!
Brian: Oh, come on! They're not all bad.
Stewie: Oh, yes, I've seen the women you bring home. That stutterer, she was a real prize.
[Cutaway to Peter, Lois, Brian and his date at dinner]
Lois: How are you enjoying your meal?
Woman: L-L-L-L-L-Lois, it's d-d-d-delicious.
Peter: [walking up to the thermostat] Oh, for cryin' out loud.
Lois: Peter, why are you turnin' up the heat again?
Peter: Lois, this woman is obviously freezing.

Stewie: Somehow, my machine seems to have reversed the direction of time.
Brian: Reversed the direction of time? Stewie, what does that mean? I don't get it.
[A backwards walking Mort Goldman takes a quarter from his pocket and puts it on the sidewalk, then continues]
Brian: Okay, now I get it.

Lois: There, now you got a fresh new diaper, Stewie.
Stewie: What are you talking about?
[Lois picks Stewie up and puts him up on the bed and changes his diaper in reverse]
Stewie: What's going on?
Brian: I think you're getting a diaper change.
[Lois picks up a soggy diaper from the garbage and puts it back on Stewie]
Stewie: DAHHH! Get that poop-filled thing away from me! No! Oh, God it's cold!
[Lois buttons back on Stewie's overalls and puts him back on the floor]
Lois: Ooh, smells like somebody needs a diaper change.
Stewie: Damn right, I do! Now get this turd filled sack off...Oh, God, it just went back in my body.

[Joe is seen unwashing his police car to reveal the words "Crippled Douche" written on them. Lois is seen running backwards out of the house and unwriting the words on the car with her finger. She picks up and uncrumples a piece of paper by the trash cans and reads it out loud]
Lois: "Your trash barrels were a little close to our driveway. -Joe P.S. Please close the windows when you give piano lessons. My legs don't work, but my ears do."

Brian: Where does Quagmire meet all these women?
[Quagmire and his one-night stand walk backwards out of his house and Quagmire is seen putting her back in a big red envelope that says "NETCHIX" on it]
Stewie: This is why Boxbuster went out of business.

Stewie: What are you watching?
Brian: Meet the Press. It's really weird, in reverse time, the Republicans make outrageous statements and then the host asks an unrelated question.
Conservative: Global warming is a myth!! God created everything and the world is getting colder!!
Host: What is your tax plan?

[Cleveland is seen naked on the ground of his destroyed house, clearly the result of yet another bathtub incident]
Cleveland: Man, we got a large number of clovers on our lawn. [He floats up while the damage of both the house and the bathtub undo themselves] No, no, no, no, no, NO!!!!
[Peter is seen in a room next to him]
Peter: Oh, hey, Cleveland.
[Peter floats away from the house while more damage undoes itself. It is revealed that the damage is a result of Chris lighting up a human cannonball with Peter in it]
Peter: Australia, here I come!

[Brian is seen fighting a rabbit in a karate tournament in reverse for some reason. We cut back to Brian and Stewie in the living room]
Stewie: What the hell was that?
Brian: This is more intense than when I fought a rabbit in that karate tournament.
Stewie: That's weird, you're doing reverse cutaways now?

[Brian and Stewie have just witnessed Peter and Ernie the Giant Chicken fighting again in reverse]
Stewie: You know, that chicken's kid is in my preschool class. I don't really want to be friends with him, but he knows a lot of chicks. And backwards rim shot.

[Brian and Stewie are in the bathroom and hear someone groaning]
Stewie: What the devil is that?
Brian: It's Peter and Chris. Sounds like they're in trouble.
[Brian and Stewie run into the living room only to realize that they are back in the ipecac scene from "8 Simple Rules for Buying My Teenage Daughter"]
Stewie: My God, why is there vomit everywhere?
Brian: Is that the ipecac bottle? Oh, no! No, please, not this.
Stewie: Oh's not gonna be coming out of us, it's gonna be going...!!HHEEOOOOO
Brian: OH DEAR GOD...!!HHEEOOOOO Ohh! Oh..! [splat!] Ow, what the hell?! [Peter goes back to Brian to hold back his ears.]
Stewie: I don't want it I don't want anot—!!HHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLHU
Stewie: Oh God, this is so disgusting I think I'm gonna puke! HUHLEEEEEEEEHH! !HHEEEEEEEELHUH Fuck!

Brian: Stewie, I don't care what it takes, we've got to fix this! WE JUST ATE SO MUCH VOMIT!

Chris: Oh, boy! A baby! I saw my Spanish teacher leave one of you in a trash can!

Brian: My God, it's the Greased-up Deaf Guy running backwards toward that greased truck explosion!
[We angle on the Greased-up Deaf Guy who is in his underpants and running backwards toward a truck, which has exploded in a ball of flame]
Greased-up Deaf Guy: Oh, the gwee buwn so ba'! I can't he!
[As he approaches the truck, the truck unexplodes, his clothes undisintegrate and a suit and tie reform on his body.]
Ungreased-up Hearing Guy: [normal voice, looking at his watch] Boy, I am late for that meeting.

Brian: Come on math, you dick.

Mort Goldman: Oh, look a quarter! Who cares what that doctor found on my nuts? This is a good day!

Brian: Hey, I couldn't imagine life without ya, buddy.
Stewie: Y'know, I forgot what a mancave I had in Lois' uterus. While I was waiting for you, I was shooting pool. Had to hold the cue at weird angles, but still...

Chris: You guys heard the baby talkin' in there, didn't you?
Lois: Chris, that's ridiculous!

Peter: Dammit I hate these new stairs!
[He falls up the stairs]
Peter: Ow ow fuck fuck fuck!

Previous Episode's Quotes /// Yug Ylimaf's Quotes \\\ Next Episode's Quotes